*Hidden Bonus Track

Challenge - 12 April 2019

Stuart had no notion how, or why, The Sopranos’ theme song (courtesy of Alabama 3) had inexplicably wormed its way into his mind during the night.

When, “you woke up this morning,” its words suggested, “the world turned upside down.” There was no disputing that part, the momentous day had finally arrived to meet Stephen, to claim their ‘Challenge’ prize.

But, more worryingly, his earworm persisted, “when you woke up this morning, everything you had was gone.” That line might just explain it. Stuart’s defective amygdala must have somnially seized on his residual fear (and upgraded it to a nightmare) that somehow their prize might still be snatched away from them at the eleventh hour.

Fully awakening calmed him though. Such lingering doubts were surely irrational. Their victory had been acknowledged, with a confirmation that FAC numbers were indeed the correct solution, and then, last night, to add a cherry on top of the ‘Challenge’ cake, Stuart had finally cracked the quiz’s last surviving mystery.

He could now, belatedly, lay claim to being the font of all knowledge!

###

After they had recovered, more than a little embarrassedly, from Stuart’s involuntary, uncharacteristic exhibition of singing and dancing, Anne had posed the obvious question, “ I can’t believe we’ve won, how on earth did we manage that?”

Stuart accepted he might never fully know the answer, and ultimately it didn’t matter, but he did have a theory, “I suspect the anagrams threw the others,” he had suggested, “with the clue not simply asking ‘what’s it all about?’ it must have caused them to hesitate, even for a heartbeat, while I had convinced myself in advance and just pasted our answer without stopping to think. Better to lose by getting it wrong than by being too slow I thought. But we didn’t lose. Bloody hell, what do we do now?”

“Better do as you’re told,” Anne had replied, “and phone Stephen. Whoever he is?”

There had been one promised task they needed to complete first, but after Joe, Ed, and Charlie had been messaged with the good news, Stuart then made the suggested call, though still with a gnawing sense of trepidation. What if this had all just been some elaborate hoax?

“Hi, I was expecting your call,” Stephen had answered, “I guess congratulations are in order.”

Stuart had been surprised when he needed to introduce himself, “I’ve only ever had access to people’s email addresses,” Stephen explained, before returning the introductory favour. “I’m retired now, but I used to be Tony Wilson and Factory’s lawyer. Now that’s what you’d call a challenge!” he had joked, and it quickly become clear, from the way he talked nostalgically about Wilson, that their relationship had been as much a longstanding friendship as a business arrangement.

“I was the executor of Tony’s will,” Stephen had continued, “and this is the last job that needs completing before I can get the bugger out of my hair for good.”

Stephen had been friendly, but cagey on detail, politely making it clear to Stuart that he wouldn’t, on that first call, be getting any answer to his big question. Wouldn’t be finding out what they had won.

“I realise it must be frustrating,” Stephen had laughed, “but Tony was always a control freak, and he’s still taking charge from beyond the grave. My instructions are clear, ‘only advise the winner about their prize in person’, and as a good counsel, even if he always claimed I was crap at it, I’m afraid a man’s last wishes must be respected.”

“So, when can we meet?” Stuart had asked, a little worried that his tone verged on the impatient.

“I knew you’d be keen, hardly surprising,” Stephen had responded sympathetically, “so I’ve kept my diary clear. Can you make it for lunch on Friday?” Given that the lawyer’s suggestion was just two days away Stuart had accepted, albeit reluctantly. After eighteen months, he supposed, he could reasonably (if frustratedly) hold on for a further forty-eight hours.

“That sounds great,” he had responded, “just tell me where and when?”

“Well Wilson’s on top of that too,” Stephen had explained, “it won’t surprise you he insisted on Manchester for the handover. I suggest we meet in the Lass O’ Gowrie pub, it’s just around the corner from Factory’s old offices. I used to meet Tony there for a drink, he hated formal meetings, so it feels right. Do you know where it is?”

“Yeah I do,” Stuart had replied, “it’s opposite that new venue YES. I’ve been in for a pint a couple of times before concerts.”

“Good,” Stephen had confirmed emphatically, “let’s call it 1 o’clock. Bring Anne if she can make it. Tony left a bit of money to cover ‘Challenge’ expenses, so we can all have lunch on Wilson. There aren’t too many people, alive or dead, who can make that claim. As the great man loved telling me, ‘you either make money Stephen, or you make history’. He definitely achieved more of the latter than the former, so the coffers are a bit bare I’m afraid. Hope you’re OK with pie and chips?”

Stuart had readily agreed. It was a venue, and indeed a menu selection, that suited him fine. Once he had played their conversation back again later, he also read a lot more, probably far too much, into the satisfied tone he felt had sat behind one of Stephen’s earlier comments. Stuart’s prior knowledge of their rendezvous’ location, because it was opposite a music venue, had seemed to go down well with Stephen. The way he had emphasised ‘good’ sounded deeper and more nuanced. More like, “good, Tony would have liked that.” It was almost as if, inadvertently, Stuart had managed to pass some form of additional test.

“Is there really nothing else you can tell me today?” Stuart had asked finally, knowing Anne wouldn’t forgive him if he didn’t make one final attempt.

“Afraid not,” Stephen had reiterated, “there was something else Tony used to say (though frankly he just liked talking full stop!), ‘you never know reality Stephen’ he used to claim, ‘until someone makes a fiction of it’. I’ve always suspected this whole ‘Challenge’ saga was designed as one last legacy, one final ‘fiction’ he could leave behind. So, if Tony insisted on everything being done face to face, so it must be.”

“OK, understood,” Stuart had responded, “we’ll see you on Friday then,” but he must have still sounded a bit downhearted as Stephen had at least thrown him one meagre crumb before concluding the call.

“I’m sure you will have speculated that FAC69, the item missing from any known Factory catalogue, could be your prize,” Stephen had postulated. “If so, I can put your mind at rest, you’re right. I just can’t tell you what it is, not until I hand it over on Friday. But it will be worth the wait,” he had teased. “Oh, I almost forgot to ask,” he then added, just as they were about to ring off, “have you worked out what the different fonts were all about? I enjoyed that bit. Don’t tell me now, leave it for Friday,” and with that parting shot he had gone.

Stuart hadn’t believed for a second this closing question had been forgotten, and remembered at the last minute. It had sounded far more like one final ‘Challenge’, with an expectation left hanging he needed to have an answer prepared for Friday. Once the winning ‘Congratulations’ message appeared on screen Stuart had made the natural assumption everything was done and dusted, that their prize was in the bag. For once ignoring his completist tendencies he had assumed any questions still left unanswered, with those fonts fitting firmly into that box, could finally be laid to rest.

Yet at the end of his call with Stephen it had sounded like Wilson, acting through his earthly emissary, may have planned all along to throw one final spanner into the works. Having been notoriously dismissive of contractual obligations, could it be, in Tony’s eyes, that the lack of an answer to this final question may still deem Stuart an unworthy ‘Challenger’, even at this late stage, and see their prize withdrawn?

This was an unlikely but not impossible scenario, Stuart had concluded, certainly not one he could risk turning a blind eye to. So, when Anne had asked him to play back everything from his call with Stephen, he had finished his summary with, “it all sounds great, even Stephen seemed excited about the prize, but I do think we need to work out what those bloody fonts are all about before Friday.”

###    

Following Stephen’s unexpected sting in the tail, Stuart had initially considered whether he might need to, “get the old band back together, one more time,” to help pass this last-gasp typeface test. In the end though, once he had set his mind to it, spurred on by the unpalatable threat of their prize being denied, of defeat being stolen from the jaws of victory, this question hadn’t proven an impenetrable nut to crack. He had been able to leave Joe, Charlie, and Ed blissfully unaware of any lingering concern.

Stuart’s eventual breakthrough had come with the realisation, which in hindsight should perhaps have been obvious all along, that the answer to any Factory design conundrum was always likely to flow from one source. This was a problem that simply had to lie with Saville (and, thankfully, you weren’t talking Jimmy!)

Peter Saville had been another Factory stalwart. While still a student at Manchester Poly, envious of the Buzzcocks record covers his friend Malcolm Garret was already designing, Saville had got wind that Tony Wilson was planning some club nights and approached him, at a Patti Smith concert, to offer his artistic services. Tony, as legend goes, was in a bad mood that night, disappointed by the performance of one of his heroes, but it seems Peter must have managed to overcome this hurdle to create a favourable impression. He had been awarded the Factory design gig on the spot.

Saville combined his twin obsessions, stark industrial imagery alongside modern typography, to deliver a series of iconic posters and sleeve designs that became every bit as intrinsic to the Factory mythology as Wilson’s management style, or Hannett’s production. He hadn’t immediately won everybody over though, "when I first met him, I thought he was a pompous prick,” Peter Hook observed in 2004, “now I've known him 26 years, I still think he's a pompous prick, but I like him!"

The obvious starting point for Stuart’s Savillean scrutiny was ‘Unknown Pleasures’, the record sleeve that launched a million t-shirts. The album famously features just a single image on its front cover, of stacked pulsar radio emissions (which together look Tolkienesque), and minimalist titling on the reverse (with the track listing and credits moved inside). As a result the typographic design never really comes to the fore. This must have made ‘Unknown Pleasures’ the perfect candidate for another of Wilson’s illusory tactics, but once Stuart had re-looked at its artwork afresh, with a ‘Challenge’ eye, something suddenly appeared oddly familiar.

A follow-up web search revealed that Saville, wanting to employ a neutral font with little ornamentation (in order to reinforce his design’s simplicity), had settled on Helvetica, a style favoured by Jan Tschichold, often referred to as the father of modern typography. As interesting a history lesson as that had proven, Stuart now mused, it become inconsequential when placed against the glorious confirmation of his visual suspicion that followed. Having cut and pasted some ‘Challenge’ clue text (from phase two) into an online tool called ‘WhatTheFont!’, the site had identified the typeface used as Helvetica, confirming it had indeed been lifted from ‘Unknown Pleasures’.

Armed with this outcome it had then been easy to work out where Stuart needed, textually, to head next and, after a little more detective work, his fledgling theory was soon substantiated. Saville had grown more ambitious by the time of Joy Division’s second album ‘Closer’, Stuart found, creating his own (Factory exclusive) Roman inspired font, loosely based on the closest commercially available equivalent, Trajan Pro. The exclusivity of Saville’s actual lettering meant that ‘WhatTheFont!’ had, unsurprisingly, this time declared the wording Stuart pasted (from the earlier ‘Challenges’) as ‘unidentified’. Helpfully though ‘WtF’ then suggested a few close alternatives, with Trajan Pro sitting at the head of its ‘best fit’ recommendations!

The longstanding font enigma had, therefore, almost been explained. The main two typefaces used through ‘Challenge 69’ had been borrowed, respectively, from first ‘Closer’ and then ‘Unknown Pleasures’, both choices entirely in keeping with the competition’s wider solution. This did however still leave one matter unresolved, the origin of the new spray-paint font variant that had appeared for the final ‘Challenge’.

Taking his lead from the counterintuitive, reverse-chronological, order in which Wilson had employed the two Saville fonts, Stuart’s further digging eventually led him to a speculative theory on this new stencilled text’s genesis. If his hunch were correct however, it wouldn’t prove confirmable online, so he had elected to keep shtum for now. Stuart’s reluctance to share this hypothesis, even with Anne, was sharpened by a conclusion that it might, if right, also provide a big pointer to the nature of the ‘Challenge’ prize, a portentous suspicion he didn’t feel ready to share. Even without it though, he was quietly confident he had surely gathered enough font-based exposition to repel any rear-guard assault Stephen may be planning to throw at him later.

“There’s still an hour before we need to leave for Manchester,” Anne broke Stuart’s typographic reverie, “I think I’ll walk Oscar.” Despite her early protestations of ‘Challenge’ indifference she was now, Stuart realised, as fully invested as him, and was finding it equally hard to settle now the unveiling was so close at hand.

Stuart was secretly pleased for the solitude. It would enable him to spend more time reflecting on the ‘Challenges’, and to ponder how much they had come to frame his thoughts over the last eighteen months. It hadn’t just been the quizzing per se, much as he had enjoyed its intellectual demands, more the way that the competition had become a kind of contemplative catalyst, as each ‘Challenge’ deadline loomed. Often inspiring him to reassess the people and events that had helped shape his life:

• Parents and childhood: Stuart hoped he never truly forgot anyway, but those early ‘Challenges’ had prompted him to reconsider the huge debt he owed to his parents. To recall how utterly, selflessly they had dedicated themselves to whatever it took, at whatever personal sacrifice, to give him and his brother the best possible chance in life.

• Education and opportunity: With an intelligence inherited from his Mum, Stuart had enjoyed a fantastic education (one she had sadly been denied) and then, by applying his Dad’s can-do attitude to it, made the most of the opportunity. Surely, the competition had served to remind him, this had proven the living epitome of enjoying the best of both worlds.

• Relationships and love: He rarely thought of Ann (without an e) or Louise these days, but the way they had been brought back to mind through the ‘Challenges’ had bred a deeper understanding that his appreciation of life’s highs, of his love for Anne, was only strengthened by a parallel consideration of the lows and mistakes that he had encountered and made earlier along Nick’s ‘fateful path’.

• Career and balance: A Banking career might often be condemned these days (certainly Louisa Roach might frown upon it!) but Stuart had been reminded that he should look back on his with pride. Managing people with trust and dignity had always been his mantra, and it still brought an ironic smile to recall how much others had regularly been surprised by the results he got in return.

• Parenthood and pride: Joe had been a huge pragmatic help with the ‘Challenge’ logistics, and a great team member, but beyond that it had also helped Stuart to observe how well he was forging his own way in life, with skill and confidence. Stuart hoped, along with Anne, that they had managed to replicate at least some of those parenting skills they had benefitted from themselves.

• Friendship and loyalty: Much as Stuart enjoyed sparring with Ed and Charlie, he had always appreciated the depth of their friendship. Known that in a crisis they would be there to come to his aid. It would be straining this metaphor to refer to ‘Challenge 69’ as a ‘crisis’, though it had come close at times, but Stuart realised he could never have made it over the finish line without them.

• Music as inspiration: Stuart had always felt slightly apologetic over his near obsessive dedication to music, but had finally found a practical justification for it to stand behind. A long parade of his musical mavericks had mystically appeared, at various staging posts along the ‘Challenge’ route, with each somehow helping to nudge him a little further towards victory.

Richey Edwards, Natalie Merchant, Peter Perrett, E, Davey Henderson, David Byrne, Morrissey, Tim Wheeler, the other Smiths (Patti and Robert), Kurt Cobain, David McComb, PJ Harvey, Billy Mackenzie, Stephen Jones, Wire (collectively), Louisa Roach, the two Conors (Oberst and O’Brien), Jarvis Cocker, and Nick Cave, had all, unknowingly, played their part. Listed out again, in full, these made an impressive collection of artists, and surely, Stuart thought, one Tony would have appreciated.

This final observation, he realised, highlighted a new judgmental bar against which Stuart had latterly started to measure things. He wondered how long this comparator would last?

There had been so much within the ‘Challenges’, he now acknowledged, that had prodded him to re-evaluate all those things you should most treasure, the constituent parts that needed to come together to make a life complete. Having always admired Einstein’s observation that one should, “try not to become a man of success, but rather a man of value,” Stuart had found his ‘Challenge’ musings littered with people he felt lived up to this ideal. Men and women of real value who had, “given more to life than they’d taken.” He could only hope some of them might regard him in the same light.

“We’re back now. Ten minutes, I’ll be ready,” Anne interrupted his thoughts once again, and Stuart quickly wiped a sentimental tear or two from his eye, before she could notice. It was time to steel himself for the big disclosure.

(‘Hidden Bonus Track’ will be continued, at 10am tomorrow, to reveal the ‘C69’ prize!)